The Game of Life (Are You Winning?)
"If you ain't first, your last" - Ricky Bobby
I’d argue that the point of life is growth and expansion.
It’s to continually be reborn as a greater and higher version of your previous self.
When growth and expansion stop, we cease to feel alive.
We feel stagnant…
We feel “dead” in a world full of life.
In the words of Henry David Thoreau:
“Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with their song still inside them."
Unfortunately, I believe that quote to be entirely accurate.
I believe that most men today are living lives of quiet desperation…
Failing to grow and sing their song.
Over the course of life, I think it looks something like this:
Phase 1 - Growth and Expansion
You have the early years of growth and expansion. When you’re a kid learning things at a rapid rate. Going to school. Playing with your friends. Competing in sports. Very literally leveling up from grade to grade, from middle school to high school, and from high school to college. You are exploring and getting your very first job. You are out in the world trying to piece it all together, meeting new people, and working to expand your life.
During this phase you are playing out the story society has told you:
Get out into the world
Hustle
Grow
Expand
Compete
Learn new things
Try new things
Blaze your path
Phase 2 - The Plateau
Then you enter the plateau years. You get married, have kids and “settle down.”1 Life gets busy and it feels like you are constantly juggling chaos, so you stop growing. You just want to survive and not disturb the status quo that's keeping your little universe functioning right now.
But again, you are playing out the story society has fed you:
Find someone to settle down with
Have kids
Get a “stable” job
Go to work
Make money and pay the bills
Don’t stir the pot
As long as you are doing those things then you have made it as a man and are living the American dream.2
You are fulfilling your purpose and duty.
Phase 3 - Compression
Then there’s the final phase of compression where older age kicks in and you begin the decline to end life where you started - in diapers.
You settle for the narrative that old age has to suck and the natural way of things is to end up in a nursing home fat, out of shape, decrepit, and dependent on others to wipe your ass.
A Different Story: From One-Dimensional Man to Multi-Dimensional Powerhouse
I’ll be honest…
I hate the above story and while I think it’s true that many men are bored, directionless, and broken down, life doesn’t have to be that way.
Nor should it.
Settling for that story is a cop-out.
It’s the great lie men tell every day when they say things are “good.”
Because you and I both know “good” is a load of crap. It’s a cover-up for “things suck right now but I don’t want to talk about how it really is because everyone else around me is telling me I should be happy with my life.”
Ultimately, it’s not “good” to be a one-dimensional man that’s only good at making money or only good at crushing it in the gym.
As a man, you are meant to be on the hunt to compete to win across the board every day, every week, every month, every quarter, and every year.
If you refer back to this post on juggling lifeballs, you’ll remember there are 10 major life buckets you are responsible for:
Physical health
Mental health
Spirituality
Creativity
Relationships
Family
Travel
Fun
Finances
Work
To simplify that down into a more manageable list I like the big F’s:
Fitness
Finance
Family
Friends
Faith3
In order to become a multi-dimensional powerhouse man you must win and dominate these 5 F’s.
It’s not enough to just be good at finance or just be good at fitness.
Trust me, I’ve tried and it doesn’t work.
You end up unfulfilled and unhappy.
You must continually set targets in each of these areas that force you to grow, expand and level up.
If you don’t feel like you are winning in life right now, take a hard look at these 5 f’s and assess yourself honestly:
What are the facts about your current fitness?
What are the facts about your current finances?
What are the facts about your current family?
What are the facts about your current friends?
What are the facts about your current faith?
Maybe go through those questions yourself and then ask someone you trust to give you their honest opinion.
For example, I know many men that rank their marriage at a 7/10 but whose wives would give them a 3/10.
Once you get honest about where you are now, think to the future:
What do you WANT in each of those areas this next year?
What must happen in the next 90 days to move you towards that target?
What must happen this month?
What must happen this week?
What must happen today?
And now you are playing the game.
At least the white belt version of the game.
The black belt version of the game is what I’m spending my time on - how to take this and turn it into an actual point-based, metric-based game that men get to compete in every day, every week, every quarter, and every year that clearly shows whether you are winning or losing.
A game that, when committed to and executed consistently, makes it nearly impossible for you to not dominate the 5Fs and have it all in your life without getting bored, burning out, or breaking down.
But more on that later.
Thanks so much for being here.
James
Ever notice how the term “settle down” is in itself a plateau
At least that’s what society tells you
Faith = spirituality. A connection to something that is bigger and deeper than yourself. For you, that may be religion but it doesn’t have to be.